Lets see where to begin.....I grew up in
Forest and
went to riverdale school, I have 2 younger brothers
Brian and Troy....Troy is 12 years younger than
me
and we get along really great. My brother
Brian who
is 4 years younger than me...we don't get along
very
well. That one is a long story that
I will just shorten
up and say that he did my mom and dad really
wrong
and I have never forgiven him for it. I
went with a
guy named gene for my last 2 years of high school
and when I graduated we got married.....we were
married for 7 years and had 2 kids...I thought
we
were happily married until all the sudden he
started
going to the bars and then I found out that he
had
been seeing my neighbor. We got divorced
and he
has been with her ever since. It took alot
of years
but I forgave him for what he did and we
remain
good friends to this day. I went through
a bad time
after I got divorced and I must admit I
drank to much
on the weekends to try to drown my pain.
That was
my downfall because I met randy and even
though I
realized deep down that it was totally wrong
I
married him. We had a daughter together.
The
marriage lasted exactly 8 months. Long
enough for
him to steal my credit cards and for him and
his
girlfriend to max them out. I did
not date any men
for 2 years after that....I didn't want to set
myself up
to be hurt again. During this time my abdomen
kept
hurting real bad and I went to the doctor
and he
could find nothing wrong and sent me home.
A few
weeks later it got to hurting real bad again
and I
went back to the doctor and he thought it must
be all
in my head and put me on antidepressants.
I went on
hurting this way for almost another year
until one
night it got so bad my mom made me go to
the
emergncy room. They didn't know what it
was either
but they set me up an appointment the next
day with
a gynocologist in bellefontaine.
I went to see Dr.
Meyers and he went in for laproscopic sugery
to take
a look. An hour later he came in and told
me the bad
news. I had overian cancer and it
was bad. They
were going to have to do an emergncy
hysterectomy. I was given a 40 percent
chance of
surviving. I would have to go through radiation
and
chemo. after surgery. Well I came out of
the surgery
in alot of pain but alive. My mom and dad
visited me
but it was really hard being alone through all
of that.
What I wouldn't have given to have had
someone
there to hold me and tell me I was going
to be ok. I
would lay in that hospital bed and look
at the ceiling
and debate with myself if I even wanted to live.
I
was so tired of all the pain in my life.
I thought that
was to be the hardest thing I would ever have
to go
through but silly me I was wrong again..... I
was soon
to meet an evil guy that would make my
life a living
hell although I didn't realize it in the
begining. Jim
was really nice to me in the begining but even
then I
should have seen the warning signs. He
was a very
jealous person and soon I wasn't allowed
to talk to
hardly anyone. I didn't realize it at the
time but he
was isolating me so he could have total control
over
me. He would drink everyday and then go
out with
his buddys. Then he would come home and
I would
pay dearly for anything he thought I may have
done
or thought without his permission.
He was always
calling me a retard and white trailer trash
bitch and
stuff like that. After the beatings
he would always
say he was sorry. After awhile I got to
believing the
things he told me like that I was worthless and
that I
was lucky to have him because no other man would
ever want me. He told me if I ever left
him that he
would kill me. He would pay the morgage
and I had
to pay everything else. My half ended up
being alot
more than what he was paying for the morgage
and
sometimes it was really really tough for me to
do it. I
don't mind having to pay bills because
I am use to it
but I get really tired of working so hard
just to pay
bills. I knew I had to get out of the relationship
but I
was so damn scared. I didn't have any money
saved
because he took it all as soon as I got payed
and I
worried that I would be out on the streets
with my
kids and I couldn't do that to them. The
night I finally
had enough was the weekend the kids were at their
dads and he came home drunk and started
hitting me
and then he raped me. I thought for
sure he was
going to kill me that night. I got
in the car and drove
out to the k-mart parking lot and slept
there all
night. The next morning I called my mom
crying and
told her that I couldn't take it anymore.
She told me
to get my butt over to her house and that
it was
about time I got rid of the jerk. Of course
he called
me and told me how sorry he was, which is what
he
always said after something like that happened.
But
I had finally had enough and told him we were
through and that I wasn't going to take his abuse
anymore. Then the threats came that he
would tell
everyone lies about me and that he wouldn't let
me
have any of my belongings and so on and so on. He
still won't give me most of my stuff. (he wouldn't
even let me have my christmas tree) So
me and the
kids have been staying with my mom and dad until
I
move into my new place. Its cramped here
and I
sleep on the floor right now but I am so much
happier. My mom told me that I look
and act 10
years younger than I use to when I was with him.
I
am working my butt off right now to try
to give my
kids a little bit of christmas, but like I told
them....at
least we don't have to live in fear anymore.
Well
thats how my life has been up until now.
***UPDATE** Well, me and the kids found
a place
to rent....its not much but its home. We are alot more
happy now and thats all that really matters. :
)
***Update*** Well Its been a year now and doing great. : )
***Update*** Well I thought things were going better but the store I worked at
just closed so now I'm out of a job. Sometimes I wonder if I am destined to never be happy.
